


Not worthless

by protectbucky



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky accidentally lifts the hammer, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kinda Stucky Fluff, M/M, Thor Is a Good Bro, btw Steve can also lift it, he has no idea, then he's confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 04:24:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7876240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectbucky/pseuds/protectbucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky lifts the hammer. He doesn't know what it means.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not worthless

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a month ago? I just needed some Stucky ok I hope it's not that bad

When it happened, Bucky had no idea it means something.

Thor left the hammer in the middle of the room and dissapeared for a few minutes in the kitchen, probably to have a snack. That's when it happened. Bucky walked in and he saw it; it wasn't really hard to notice really, as it didn't fit at all in the modern living room.

'Tony has really weird ideas to decorate nowadays' Bucky thought as he walked over to have a look at the thing. 'It actually looks pretty great' he examined. 'How badass would it be to swing it around.'

So he reached for the handler and picked it up easily. 

When Thor walked back in, he dropped everything he had in his hands in surprise. The sight in front of him was something he never expected to see; Bucky casually playing with the Mjolnir. Not even breaking a sweat.

And of course Thor told the others. Everyone got used to the fact that Steve was the only one besides Thor who is 'worthy' to lift the hammer, but Steve himself still found it weird every time Thor passed it to him during a battle. So they were a bit shocked when they heard Bucky could do it too.

Thinking about it, Steve always hoped Bucky could. He was doing better these days, thanks to the endless therapy sessions and Steve's support. Sometimes he still woke up in a pile of sweat in the middle of the night, crying out, repeating words like "don't make me" and "please stop", but Steve held him tight and told him that he's safe, it's gonna be okay. He told him he's not a killing machine. Because he really wasn't.

After months of negotiations and long trials cleaning up his name, Bucky was allowed to join the Avengers. Soon his action figure looked down on kids from the shelves among with the others'.

Steve could clearly remember that time when he and Bucky were walking down the street and a bunch of little kids ran up to them. They both prepared themselves for the usual 'oh my God it's Captain America'. But it didn't happen that time. The kids surrounded Bucky, asked him if they could touch his metal arm, then telling him how amazing he is. Later that day, in a corner store, a little boy with one leg quietly rolled over to them in his wheelchair, shyly hugged Bucky and whispered "You're my hero." Steve hasn't seen Bucky that happy in a long time.

But lifting the hammer was a completely other thing. And Bucky still did it. But he had no clue.

He didn't understand why Thor was so surprised, or why Steve looked at him like he's biting back something he has to say before going to bed that night. But he had to find out.

He curled up to Steve's side as he always did; resting his head on Steve's chest, dropping an arm around his waist. Steve immediately gripped him tight. They were lying in silence for a while. But then-

"Stevie." 

"Mm?" Steve hummed to let him know he's awake.

Bucky didn't know how to ask it. 

"Why is everyone acting freaking weird?" It slipped out like that. Better than nothing.

"What do you mean?" Steve pretended like he didn't know.

"I mean... I don't know. Thor looks at me like I just saved his entire nation. And I walked in the kitchen today and Tony asked me if I could pass him the pan 'cause he's sure I'm worthy to lift it. What does that mean? And you were weird too. You looked at me like I did something... Extraordinary." Bucky explained.

Steve exhaled sharply. The only reason he didn't want to tell Bucky was that he was scared of his reaction. Or to be more specific; he knew exactly how Bucky would react. And he didn't want that.

"I've no idea what you're talking about. You know Tony. He thinks he's so funny all the time. Go to sleep, Buck."

But Bucky wasn't done.

"Then why did you look at me like that? Like I'm so fucking special?" He asked.

"'Cause you are." Steve said, kissing his forehead.

"Don't be a sappy punk" Bucky mumbled, but Steve could feel him smiling against his chest. Bucky lifted his head to look at Steve. "Please, Stevie. Tell me. What's going on?"

Steve couldn't hold it in anymore.

"It's 'cause it's not an ordinary hammer, Buck. Only the ones who are worthy are able to lift it. That's why Thor was so surprised." It was a shitty explanation.

"Who else can lift it?" Bucky asked quietly.

"Thor and... Me."

Just like that, Bucky stood up, ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Steve knew it would happen; Bucky always locked himself away when he had too much on his mind. It usually took Steve hours to get him out.

It wasn't any different this time. Maybe it was a bit worse. Steve tried everything, but Bucky just wouldn't open the door. So Steve sat down by the wall and every few minutes he whispered reassuring words to the emptiness off the room, hoping Bucky could hear him. 

He only realized how many hours have passed when the morning light started to creep in behind the closed curtains. When it was about time the others had breakfast, Steve decided to go down and make himself a cup of coffee. Maybe giving Bucky some space is better now.

The others noticed it. They always see when something's wrong; Steve can't really hide his feelings when it's about Bucky.

"Where's Barnes?" Tony asked.

"Bathroom. Since last night. Wouldn't come out." Steve said with a tired voice. He was surprised when Thor stood up and walked in the direction of his and Bucky's room.

 

Bucky was sitting on the bathroom floor, hands around his knees, staring into nothing. He wanted to stand up, open the door and let Steve make everything okay again, but he just couldn't. 

It must be a mistake. He could not be worthy to do something like that.

A lot of times he felt like he's not worth anything at all. He started to accept the fact that what he didn't have a choice in doing the things he's done, but that didn't make him feel any better. On bad days, he still felt like a murderer.

If it wasn't for Steve, Bucky would have killed himself. After he got his memories back and ran away, he was struggling to stay alive. When he knocked on Steve's door to finally ask for help, he was thin, dirty and starving. Steve put his shock aside and took him in immediately. He made Bucky a warm bath and gave him new clothes. Then he ordered dinner and offered him the guest room. But Bucky insisted on sleeping with Steve instead. And he has every night since.

 

He was afraid of everything for a while. He never left Steve's apartment. One night Steve came home to find Bucky on the kitchen floor, sobbing next to a pile of broken glass that used to be a plate. Steve knelt down in front of him. Bucky tossed Steve a knife from his back pocket, expecting the punishment to come. Steve put the knife aside and reached out to touch Bucky's face.

"It's okay" he whispered. "Look at me, Buck." Bucky slowly lifted his head, trying to hold back another round of tears. Steve kept one hand on his face, the other on his left shoulder. "It's okay. I'm not mad. We'll clean it up. Are you hurt?" Bucky shook his head. "Okay. The point is that you're okay."

Bucky smiled to himself on the bathroom floor. It's always been the most important to Steve. Even back in Brooklyn; Bucky would come home late at night after working all day, barely able to walk, all of his muscles aching. Steve would lift his head from his pillow, hardly moving, knocked out from a cold or God knows what this time. He'd look Bucky over and shake his head.

"You did more hours on the dock today than you should."

Or in the war, destroying one of Hydra's hideaways. Bucky would get a small wound and Steve would throw everything away, run over to Bucky to check on him.

"Stevie, it's okay. You're not my ma. You shouldn't leave everything behind anyway. It's the war, not Brooklyn."

Steve would just smile and shake his head. "I don't think they noticed I was gone. We're about to win anyway. The point is that you're okay."

It has always been.

A faint knock pulled Bucky out of his thoughts. It must be Steve again.

"May I come in?" It wasn't. It was Thor. 

Bucky let out a quiet 'yes'.

The door opened and a few seconds later Bucky wasn't sitting alone on the floor. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Thor grabbed the hammer and held it out for Bucky.

Bucky wasn't sure he wants to take it. Maybe this time it will happen like it should; the hammer will fall to the ground, taking his hand with it. He finally looked up at Thor who looked back at him, reassuring.

He reached out with his metal arm, awaiting the dissapointment. Then he grabbed the Mjolnir and easily swung it around.

He looked at Thor again. He was smiling.

"Looks like you're a good man after all." Then he stood up and walked out, leaving on Bucky on the floor with the hammer in his hand.

 

A few hours later Bucky curled up to Steve again, feeling happy this time. Steve took Bucky's face in his hands.

"I hope you know you're worth everything." He said between kisses.

And Bucky believed him. Maybe he's not as worthless as he thought he was.


End file.
